Love in the Present Time

I've been noticing an idealization of love, lately, that is troubling to me.

In the advent of social media, and recently more in our focus on beautiful images and quotes to be reblogged ad nauseum on Tumblr, Pinterest, or wherever else, we've taken to idealizing certain things, whether it's fashion, home decor, dinner parties, and just our daily lives in general. But the most disturbing of these that I see is the idealization of relationships, especially love and partnership.

We often see images of happy couples, read quotes about how imperfections disappear when looked upon through a love-filled gaze, but I fear we take this one step too far and put love on a pedestal which no one can reach.

First of all, what truly is love? In definition, it's a feeling of deep affection or romantic attachment, fairly simple. The Bible seems to define love as a characteristic of God, something originating from Him and only imperfectly attainable in our earthly, fallen forms. I think in a way both of these has to be true for us, because how else is language going to express this feeling, desire, impulse, which, though sometimes impure, can also be a wonderful reflection of Christ? I don't think we'll ever have the proper language to delineate between these very separate things, so it will always make it a little messy. Even Bible translations have trouble, sometimes translating love when it should be something more similar to charity, etc. And, occasionally, love is thrown around rather flippantly, saying how we love this particular thing or adore this other thing. And, in a fallen sense, I can see this being true. Our deep desire for something could be, in our vernacular, called love, a deep affection or attachment to something, but it's not the love of God, by any means. I think most verbs can be manipulated this way, though, so I don't want to dwell on the semantics of the thing. What I do want to address is our expectation of love.

(Also, I'm forgoing the whole rant I have on images of couples we find all over the internet, piggy-backing to pick apples in an orchard on a golden-sunshine day, bowties and glasses and cotton dresses, forehead kisses, perfect hugs and adoring gazes -- GAG. Ain't nobody got time for that.)

Our first problem, as with most things, is taking God out of love and expecting it to be just as powerful, overwhelming, and all-encompassing as when it comes of the Spirit. This post could honestly end there, but, for sake of argument, I'll proceed.

I saw a quote on Tumblr recently that went something like this: When I find the one I love, I will not mind his past or present imperfections, because love will erase it all.

I see the appeal in such a quote, that all will be forgiven through love, whether in deed, action, or appearance, but I feel like this is far beyond what we can expect each other to be capable of on this earth. I think we expect love to "cure" us of our imperfections, thinking that if only we can find this one person, we will no longer feel flawed and imperfect, or we expect love to blind us to other people's faults, as if it would take them away or make them invisible even before we know the person so that when we do meet them, we know, simply know, this is the one because all you see is perfection. But love isn't a veil through which we look at others.

I do think that, with the Spirit's influence, we can become loving, forgiving people, capable of overlooking faults in others and having others overlook faults in ourselves, but this is not from love alone or the will or desire to love, and we cannot expect it to be. It comes from Christ. So when we think that "love will conquer all," that love will be enough when times are tough, whether with finances, relationships, etc. we are fooling ourselves. Love isn't some magical cure-all that will fix our imperfections. That is Grace, and that is Of God, not something to be tossing around with the word "love" as we talk about our ideal relationship with our husband or wife. It is something that, in our fallen state, will not just happen. We must work to love each other. Because sometimes the flaws will be blindingly obvious, we will be annoyed with each other. Love doesn't just happen in those times. Love will take work and communication and looking toward our own faults to make us more forgiving of others' faults.

Love is a wonderful thing, that is certainly true, and our attachment does often blind us to faults (at least for a time), but I do not think that this is truly love. True love, in our world, will certainly be mixed with something more akin to natural desire, but it takes work to be the kind of love we want to attain in these quotes we post all over our various internet spaces. This love, fortunately for us as Christians, can be seen through Christ, and we must use that as the example to build our love after, not these romantic ideals the world puts forth. Guard yourself against these idols, lest you fall prey to them and find yourself hoping for a love that is not whole, right, and pure, and instead see love as a part of God, never to be fully understood in this body, but to be sought after in all our relationships, whether generally one with another, or specifically husband and wife. That is when love will be all we expect and desire it to be.